Doctor Who Is That?
by Nostalgic Wizard
Summary: When the Death Eaters get their hands on a television set, they notice something familiar about a certain Mad-Man in a Box.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: This story is non-canon and OCC; it's just something I came up with for fun. All rights and characters belong to J.K Rowling. **_

After a hard day's work of torturing countless muggles, the Death Eater's decided that they've earned a nice long rest. What they saw when they arrived in the living room at Malfoy Manor, though, baffled them.

"What is this strange box?" asked Rodolphus.

"Is it magic?" gasped Rabastan.

"You idiot, we all are magical!" Bellatrix pointed out.

Just then, Lucius Malfoy entered the room, followed by his wife, Narcissa, and son, Draco.

"Do you like it? It's our new 'Felly-Tision'! We decided to add some more entertainment in this place", Lucius exclaimed excitedly.

"Like there was any to begin with", Barty commented to the side.

Bellatrix walked up to the strange device and scowled. "What's the point of this bloody box if I can't Crucio it to insanity!?"

"Now, now Bella, we stole this from a kind muggle family that lives down the block. I hear it's how they cope with being non-magical", Narcissa explained.

"It's a muggle device?" Barty showed a looked of immense disgust. "No thanks, call me when there's another mission." With that, Barty went upstairs to his bedroom.

Just then, Lord Voldemort arrived. The remaining of the Death Eaters bowed courteously to their master, as he swept past them, eyeing the technological device. He ran his fingers along the screen and turned to face his minions.

"A 'Felly-Tision'? How interesting…." He stated as he continued to examine the strange muggle device. He had secretly dreamt about getting one ever since his youth, and now he could finally see what all the hype was about. "Lucius, turn it on."

"How?" asked Draco.

"You use the bloody remote of course", Snape said as he marveled at their stupidity.

"Where is this 'remote'"? Rodolphus and Rabastan asked stupidly.

"Everyone, search for it! Whoever finds it first will be exempted from further dwellings with Wormtail", Voldemort proclaimed.

At those words, every Death Eater searched up and down for the remote.

_2 and a Half Hours Later…_

"Well, I certainly did not expect this to take so long…." Voldemort commented as the Death Eaters continued to tear apart the living room.

"Wormtail, get your fat bum up and help us out! If anyone is depressed about sharing a room with you, than it should be yourself!" Bellatrix roared at the useless rat.

"Why wouldn't I want to share a room with myself?" asked Wormtail.

"Um….why would you?" Bellatrix said.

When Wormtail finally got up, Rodolphus exclaimed, "Found it!"

He pointed to the spot where Wormtail had been.

"You were sitting on it the whole time!? We spent two hours looking for that bloody thing! My father will hear about this!" Draco drawled.

"Your father is right next to you, Draco", Narcissa said.

"Forget it. Let's get this show on the road!" Lucius exclaimed as he pressed on a button.

The 'Felly-Tision' suddenly flickered and a picture showed up on the screen. The Death Eaters all took a seat and began to watch, entranced by this strange muggle technology.

"We wasted all our time to just have moving box show up on screen?" Snape sighed. The Order meetings were never this ludicrous.

Just then, a face showed up on screen. Everyone, except Snape, gaped when they saw the eerily familiar face of an individual who bore a pinstriped suit and a trench coat…..

"Why didn't he ever tell us about this?" asked Draco.

"How did he even get into that device?" Rabastan wondered.

"Barty is an alien?" exclaimed Rodolphus with confusion.

At that moment, Barty appeared in the living room.

"You all finally got that thing working? About time…." He muttered under his breath.

Everyone in the room continued to stare at him. He turned to the TV and exclaimed with excitement, "Oh brilliant! Doctor Who! I love this show!" He sat down with the others, who continued to gape at him.

"What? Okay, so I lied about not liking the television. So what?" Barty said.

Bellatrix, then, jumped out of her seat and grabbed Barty by the shirt. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT YOU'RE A 945 YEAR OLD TIME LORD!?"

"What?" Barty asked, and then it dawned upon him as he looked over at the screen. "I get it; just because I look like him you think that I am him. Well, sorry to say this, but I'm not, and will never be, the Doctor."

He laughed as he shrugged out of Bellatrix's grip and went back upstairs muttering, "945 year old Time Lord….."

As everyone else continued to marvel at the television, Bellatrix had an idea…

The next day, the Death Eaters went about their usual business. Snape leered around, moping about Lily, Rodolphus and Rabastan thought of ways to be of use, the Malfoys drawled about like they owned the place, and Wormtail was stuffing his face with Oreos again. Voldemort was too incapitated by the TV that he stayed there all night, watching some show called _Avatar: The Last Airbender. _

Bellatrix stayed unusually quiet, counting down the time until…

"BELLATRIX!"

Barty's yells could be heard throughout the manor. The kitchen door slammed opened, and Bellatrix smiled maliciously.

"I know you did this!" Barty pointed a finger at her.

"What's the matter, Bartemius? You seem tense", Bellatrix grinned.

"You think that it's funny? All my clothes were transfigured into the Doctor's!" Barty notioned at the pinstriped suit, trench coat, and Converse that he was donning.

"Well, you said that you would never be a Time Lord. It seems as though you were mistaken, _Doctor"_, Bellatrix sniggered as she emphasized the last word.

Barty glared at Bellatrix. Just then, Voldemort and the rest of the Death Eaters clambered into the kitchen.

"And then Zuko was all like…." Voldemort paused midsentence as a wide grin spread across his face and he exclaimed excitedly, "Doctor!"

Barty sighed. This was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Just wanted to thanks everyone who viewed and commented this story. It was a silly little idea that I've had on my mind for a while. This was intended to be a One-Shot, but why not? Here's another chapter to finalize it.**_

_**Disclaimer: All characters and rights belong to J.K. Rowling**_

Voldemort was ecstatic. The Time Lord that he'd watched on the 'Felley-Tision' was here in the flesh! Maybe there was more magic to these muggle devices than he thought.

"Doctor, how nice of you to join us here", he greeted shaking the "Time-Lord's" hand.

"How did he get here?" wondered Rabastan.

"By his bloody box you numbskull", Draco drawled.

Barty couldn't believe their stupidity. He mentally facepalmed as his fellow Death Eaters marveled at the sight of him.

"Oh my", Lucius Malfoy began, "His hair is even greater in person."

"And he's even cuter in person", Narcissa added with a wink towards the "alien".

Barty raised an eyebrow. Was Narcissa Malfoy hitting on him? He shuddered at the thought of it, while he heard Bellatrix continue to snicker in the background.

"Now, now. Give the man some space", Voldemort told his minions, "Doctor, I would like to have a word with you…in private", he added as all the Death Eaters' ears perked up.

Voldemort led Barty out in the backyard.

"So, where is it?" the Dark Lord said.

"Where's what?" Barty asked, confused.

"The TARDIS, of course! With your magic box, I can rule the world!" Voldemort proclaimed shouting at the top of his lungs, causing a few birds to fly out from the trees nearby.

Barty had had enough of this.

"My Lord…." He began, but was cut off.

"Already you address me as your master. How magnificent!" Voldemort exclaimed.

Barty rolled his eyes.

"Listen, I'm not…."

"With the two of us together", Voldemort continued, ignoring him, "We shall be an unstoppable force!"

"That's great and all, but…."

"Now, show me to the TARDIS."

"What?"

"Your ship! Show me to it!"

Barty sighed. He had had enough and wanted to set his master straight.

"My Lord, I'm not the Doctor."

"What do you mean?" Voldemort asked.

"I'm not the Doctor. I'm Barty."

"Of course you're the Doctor! Look at your ridiculous fashion sense and gravity defying hair!" Voldemort told him, "Although, Bartemius does share those qualities", he added thoughtfully.

Barty did a double take._ Ridiculous fashion sense? What was so ridiculous about his usual clothing? He couldn't argue with the hair, though. It was fabulous. _He thought, ruffling it up a bit. He shook his head and snapped out of it. He had to set things straight.

"The Doctor is just a character on the telley. He doesn't exist. It just so happens that him and I share the same looks."

"You can't fool me. Bartemius even said it himself, he would never be the Doctor. Now", Voldemort said, taking out his wand and pointing it at Barty, "Show me to your ship or your hearts say goodbye."

Barty's eyes grew wide. Was Voldemort serious? Surely he didn't believe that television characters were real? Then again, he was found trying to fire bend in an attempt to contact Zuko and Aang earlier…

"Alright", Barty said, a grin appearing on his face as he formulated a plan in his mind, "I'll show you to the TARDIS."

"There's a clever boy", Voldemort said, lowering his wand.

"Okay then, right this way. ALLONS-Y!" Barty said in a tone like the Doctor's.

He led Voldemort back inside Malfoy Manor. He ran down the hall and halted at the front door.

"Wait here for a moment. I need to refuel the TARDIS at Cardiff", he said to Voldemort.

At that moment, Bellatrix appeared. She swaggered into the room, a widespread grin on her face.

"Going on a little trip, _Doctor?" _she asked jovially.

"Oh yes!" Barty replied in a Doctor-like way. "Just need to refuel at the rift. Be back in a mo'."

With that, he walked out the door and closed it swiftly. He hoped that this would work. He reached inside his coat pocket for his wand, and got to work.

Back inside, Bellatrix was suspicious. Barty was supposed to be furious, and instead, he was jumping about like he was the Doctor. She hoped that Wormtail hadn't given him Oreos again. He always went crazy when on a sugar high.

Suddenly, the doors opened.

"You're finished already? Great!" Voldemort exclaimed as he walked outside.

Bellatrix followed him, and her jaw dropped at the sight in front of her. Standing there, with all its glory, was the TARDIS. She quickly regained her composure as the box's doors swung open and out stepped the man in a pinstriped suit.

"Gorgeous little thing, isn't she?" Barty said.

Voldemort swept past him and went inside the box.

"It's bigger on the inside!" he exclaimed excitedly.

While their Dark Lord was dancing about inside the blue box, Barty smirked at Bellatrix.

"How did you do it?" Bellatrix asked.

"Oh you know, the usual", Barty said as he took out a sonic screwdriver and twirled it in his hand, "Time Lord magic."

Bellatrix backed away in shock as a realization dawned upon her. "You really are the Doctor!" she said, pointing a finger at him.

Barty just smirked and continued to twirl the sonic screwdriver between his long fingers.

Bellatrix soon joined her master inside the blue box, while Barty leaned against a nearby tree, laughing.

"It's a pity that they didn't know about my secret until now, right Doctor?" he stated looking up in the high branches of the tree.

A man in a pinstriped suit and trench coat suddenly leapt out from the tree and joined his doppelganger.

"Yeah, a right shame that is. Imagine the looks on their faces when they discover the truth", the Doctor replied, a grin plastered on his face.

"Well, you know Rule 1", Barty said.

"The Doctor always lies", they said together, wrapping their arms in a brotherly fashion and grinning at the magnificent blue box.


End file.
